I drank my fill from the fountain of naivety and became blind to the color in this life. I yearned to view the world in black and white. While searching for absolutes, all I found were endless shades of gray.
Vacancy
The other side of my bed had lost your impression long ago. Your warmth a memory, and your smell forgotten. I have found a new use for the void in my heart. I boxed up the memory of you, swept out my resentment, and rented out the space. I constantly try to fill the void, but no one quite matches your mold.
US Debt
I saw an interesting email today.
I DID NOT CREATE THIS NOR DO I HOLD ANY RIGHTS TO THIS:
Why the US was downgraded
WHY THE US WAS DOWNGRADED … explained so everyone can understand.
This is the best explanation I have seen of the trouble the US is in….
. U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000
. Fed budget: $3,820,000,000,000
. New debt: $ 1,650,000,000,000
. National debt: $14,271,000,000,000
. Recent budget cut: $ 38,500,000,000
Let’s remove 8 zeros and pretend it’s a household budget:
. Annual family income: $21,700
. Money the family spent: $38,200
. New debt on the credit card: $16,500
. Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710
. Total budget cuts: $385
Do you understand now?
Irrationality
I’m not who you think I am. I put on a good show, and I force a smile to show that everything is alright. I walk how I know I’m suppose to walk, and I speak how I wish came naturally. I am a faceless, nameless ghost that has possessed my own body. A ghost that is desperately seeking to become everything that I am not.
An Attempt at Self Improvement
Once, I tried to make a list my fears. I wanted to stare back at my inadequacies and attempt to better myself. Instead, I ended up with an entire sheet of paper with the number 1 scrawled on the top. At first I thought it was funny that I could not complete this simple task. Either I’m entirely too messed up to know where to begin, or I’m incalculably arrogant.
I pondered this question for a very long time before I finally came to a realization. I’m not afraid of spiders, snakes, or bears. I’m not afraid of germs, planes, or disorder. My fear is one that is all too common. Above all, I fear being afraid. I fear passing without doing, saying, being, loving, or living as loud and full as I could have. I fear passing up opportunities. Any one of us can cease to be at any moment in our lives. I want my last moments to be those of reflection, not regret.
Wishing for Something Other Than Complication
You tell me that I complete you… that we are two halves of the same soul. What is that? I do not seek a puzzle piece, nor do I wish I become one. I just want someone complete who completely wants me in return.
So many people are in so many pieces. I find myself dancing around; trying not to step on a fragment. Is anyone else whole, or am I subconsciously looking for my missing pieces as well?
I sympathize with the desert flower
It’s face downtrodden from lack of rain above
It has been so long that my soul’s turned sour
This insatiable thirst for love
I use to spend my time reflecting upon my past. I tried to rationalize my promiscuity as a simple succession of social experiments. I tried to come up with ways to accurately measure the depth of friendship. The inability to completely rationalize, or accurate measure left me frustrated. I have come to realize that all the rationalizations and measurements in life are just distractions from what a healthy focus should be. I have learned to live in the present, and try to aim for happiness. A poor man, who spends his time thinking of wealth, will never attain it unless he strives for it.
